The Myth of the Flawless Leader
Trading The Weight Of Shame For The Power Of Grace
First, let me ask you a question: Have you ever wondered what the very first consequence of sin was? I’m not talking about Adam and Eve getting themselves and consequently the rest of us evicted from the Garden.
It was shame.
The moment God asked Adam what he’d done, he didn’t repent, no, he immediately pointed his finger at his wife and said, “This woman You gave me...” Seemingly without giving it a second thought, he threw her under the bus to distance himself from his own sense of shame and failure.
Why? Because the moment he disobeyed, he felt the crushing weight of guilt and shame. So, he blamed his wife, the very woman he’d loved with the love of God just moments prior.
A Morning I’ll Never Forget:
This hit home for me back in 1989, only two weeks after I’d surrendered my life to the Lord.
At that time, I was a stay-at-home mom with four young children. I had just finished screaming at my husband as he left for work. As the door slammed, the guilt and shame hit hard.
I don’t even remember what we fought about, but I do remember standing in the silence with my heart pounding and tears streaming down my face, wondering: “Am I really God’s child if I still behave like this?”
I felt like a total fraud. I was failing as a wife, failing as a mother to my children, and I felt utterly unworthy of being called a child of God!
Later that morning, still weeping while vacuuming the carpets, I instinctively reached out and grabbed a random scripture card from the mantelpiece. It was a desperate, blind reach for some kind of lifeline.
The next moment I was stunned by what I read:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine.” — Isaiah 43:1
Wow! I had literally just been wondering if I was truly His, and He answered.
It was the first time I felt I “heard” Him speaking directly to me. It was as if He reached down into my mess, bypassed all the guilt and the shame, and said, “You are still Mine.”
In that moment, I didn’t feel condemned. I felt seen and loved. In fact, I don’t ever recall feeling more loved than in that moment!
That day didn’t end my struggles, but it did change my walk. I stopped hiding behind a veil, and started healing. I learned that grace doesn’t just cover us; it carries us.
A New Realisation:
The day I realized that shame was the first consequence of sin, everything clicked. I suddenly understood why shame is still the enemy’s most effective weapon against God’s children today.
If the enemy can get us to question our identity and our worth as children of God, especially when our “private” lives don’t feel as polished as our “public” ministry, he can effectively cause us to become unfruitful in the Kingdom., be it in the home or in ministry.
Shame is part of the wages of death we received when Adam and Eve stepped outside the Father’s presence.
When we think we aren’t living up to expectations, we hit the shame button and start hiding, effectively putting the veil back on so no one can see our glory fading.
To The Leader Who Feels Like A Fraud:
You are not too “messy,” too emotional, or too unworthy to lead.
God is not shocked by your weakness,
He isn’t put off by the fact that you’re a “work in progress.”
He is ready to meet you right where you are, be it in the middle of your living room, in the boardroom, on the mission field, or sitting behind your computer writing. Even when you feel most unworthy.
Your calling was never about being flawless.
It’s about the daily surrender of the old self to the new life in Christ. He knows it’s a process, and if you allow Him, He will transform you, not through your own efforts, but through His grace and your faith in Him.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” — 2 Corinthians 12:9
I’d love to hear from you. If you’re brave enough, please share your thoughts or struggles in the comments below so we can learn from each other. And feel free to share this with someone who might be struggling.
Blessings from an unveiled heart,
Jane
Some points to ponder:
Is there an area of your home life or personal struggle that makes you feel like a “fraud” in ministry? How would it feel to bring that specifically to God today without the filter of shame?
When you feel you’ve missed the mark, is your first instinct to hide from God or to run toward Him?
How does knowing that God is “not shocked by your weakness” change the way you view your yourself today?
Take a moment to write out Isaiah 43:1 and replace “you” with your own name. Read it aloud. What is the Holy Spirit whispering to your heart through that promise right now?