Setting Godly Boundaries

And how they protect what God entrusts to you.

Years ago, in our younger days, my husband and I were friends with a couple we’d met through a woman I used to work with.

As time went on, our husbands got into the habit of drinking together, so much so that for me it started to become a real problem in our marriage.

It felt like we couldn’t be in this couple’s company without the men becoming drunk. I must be honest, I always have, and still do have, zero tolerance for drunkenness.

At some stage I realised that to protect my marriage, we’d have to stop spending so much time with this couple. And so that’s what we did, we remained on friendly terms with them, we just didn’t socialise anymore.

To be totally honest, I don’t recall whether I had discussed this with my husband beforehand, or whether I’d just manipulated the situation so that it had the desired outcome.

I didn’t realise it at the time, but as I started working on this article, Father reminded me of that time in our lives, and that it was an example of setting a boundary to protect something the Lord had entrusted to me – my marriage.

It was hard giving up that friendship, and I remember feeling very guilty, but I knew that if I didn’t put that boundary in place, very likely I wouldn’t still be married to my husband 47 years later.

I believe this is an issue for many Christian women, especially those called to ministry.

We experience a profound sense of guilt when we even think about saying “no”, or putting boundaries in place, so let’s look at what the Bible has to say on this subject.

God sets boundaries to protect the things He loves

Not only did God set boundaries in place as He was creating the earth so that each thing would be in its place, but He also set one very specific boundary in place after sin entered the world.

He’d entrusted the garden, which represents the Kingdom of Heaven on earth, to mankind.

He tasked them with tending and caring for it. He also blessed them and said:

“Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it…” (Genesis 1 v 28)

He was giving them complete control over the earth, the special place He’d created for His children to live and thrive in.

But as we know, when Adam and Eve rebelled against Him, that didn’t and couldn’t happen anymore, so He removed them from the garden and created a boundary by placing the Cherubim and a flaming sword around the tree of life.

I’m sure to Adam and Eve that must have felt like God was writing them off, and the moment it happened they certainly felt the effects of no longer being in His presence.

Suddenly they were very much aware of their own shortcomings, and they knew without a doubt that access to the garden, and to the very presence of God, had not only been restricted, it was firmly closed shut!

Why did God do this?

The Bible tells us the exact reason:

Because Adam and Eve, who represented the whole of humanity, no longer had His nature in them but the fallen nature of the devil.

So to prevent them (and us) from being eternally stuck in this fallen state, He had to put a boundary in place.

Genesis 3 v 22

And the Lord God said: “The man has now become like one of Us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat and live forever.”

In other words, God was putting a boundary in place to protect something He cared very much for – mankind.

Because Man had eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they now were outside of His protection. They were subject to the dominion and authority of the devil, and God knew that if He didn’t remove them from the garden, and put that boundary in place, if they ate from the tree of life, they would be stuck under the domain of the enemy forever, with no way of getting back.

But by preventing access to the tree of life, God knew He was making a way for His children to find their way back home through His Son, Jesus Christ.

Aren’t you glad He did that? Think back to your life before you came to Christ, would you still want to be stuck there? I know for sure I wouldn’t!

Godly Boundaries are about holiness, stewardship and protection

The earth was always meant to be an extension of Heaven. It symbolized a place where there was no separation between God and man. It was a place where perfect love and peace reigned and where our spirits could be one with His.

From the beginning, this was always God’s plan for mankind, that we would reflect His image and likeness, and be one spirit with Him.

When the fall happened, that could no longer happen.

By putting that boundary in place, God was showing mankind that righteousness and evil cannot exist in the same place.

He was also showing us that disobedience has real consequences.

But it’s not all bad, because ultimately, God was also showing His incredible love and mercy for us.

By putting that boundary in place, He was protecting us from spending eternity in a fallen state and world forever.

This shows us that biblical boundaries aren’t about cruelty, they’re about holiness, stewardship, and God’s redemptive protection.”

What does that mean for us today?

As Christian women, one of our main concerns is that wanting to set boundaries, particularly with our families and in our ministries, can come across as selfish and ungodly. After all, aren’t we called to sacrificial love and service?

Let’s look at what the Word of God has to say on the matter, because if God himself set boundaries, surely, they can’t automatically be bad!

What is a boundary really?

Simply put, boundaries are the limits you set in place to protect what God has entrusted to you.

This includes things like your time, your energy, your emotions, your calling and your relationships.

Boundaries are not meant to be walls to keep people out, but rather healthy guidelines that help you protect and steward your life and calling well.

A boundary can be a God-honouring limit that helps you get clear on your responsibility, protects your calling, and guards what is holy.

A boundary should never be used as punishment, to get revenge, or to control other people.

Remember that even when setting boundaries, you are meant to be reflecting the image and likeness of God.

Godly boundaries are Christlike.

We’ve already seen how God himself used boundaries to protect the things He loved, now let’s look at how Jesus himself used boundaries.

1. Jesus used boundaries to protect His time with the Father.

We read in Luke 5 v 15-16, that He often withdrew to pray, even when the crowds were still demanding more of His attention, He made sure to create time to be alone so that He could pray and be recharged.

You and I need to make it a priority to make time with the Father so that we can be fully prepared for the task He has given us.

2. Jesus didn’t give in to every demand.

In Mark 1 v 36-38 we see that even when everyone wanted Him to stay and do more, He sometimes chose to move on in obedience to His calling.

…”Let us go somewhere else – to the nearby villages – so I can preach there also. That is why I have come.”

Sometimes, we need to say “no” so that we too can focus on what matters most.

3. Jesus responded to manipulation with clarity.

Jesus was constantly being pressured to prove who he was, most notably when Satan or the Pharisees demanded a sign to “prove” His divinity. But He refused to play their game.

Unfortunately, we are also not immune to the manipulation of others. We need to be clear on who we are and what we are called to do. Only then will we be able to stand firm against manipulation.

If Jesus, who is perfect love, had limits and set boundaries, we don’t need to feel ashamed for having limits too.

Why boundaries are necessary for Christian women

The result of boundaryless living can result in burnout, resentfulness, and distraction.

It can also lead to you becoming a people-pleaser, cause you to neglect your family and health, and most importantly, it can result in your inability to hear from God clearly.

When we try to please everyone, or we want to be seen as someone who is indispensable, it will eventually cause us to feel like we are drowning under the weight of everyone else’s expectations and will rob us of the joy we once experienced.

Setting godly boundaries allows you to focus on what God has called you to do.

Why setting boundaries can be the most honest and loving thing you do:

Saying “NO” can be the most honest and loving thing you do because:

· It can keep you from making promises you cannot keep.

· It will help you serve with joy instead of resentment.

· It will stop you from neglecting the responsibilities God has already given you.

· And prevent you from enabling unhealthy patterns in yourself and others.

Jesus didn’t say “yes” to every good thing, instead He stayed faithful to His mission.

Sometimes our reluctance to set boundaries, isn’t so much about humility, but about confusion regarding our calling.

We want to say yes to every seemingly good opportunity that comes our way, instead of focusing on what God has asked us to do.

It’s important to spend time with the Father and get clarity on what exactly it is He wants you to do.

In Mark 6 v 31 Jesus says something many of us need to hear:

“Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

When we allow ourselves to become overwhelmed by what we think are our responsibilities, it becomes increasingly hard to make time to rest, not only at the feet of Jesus, but rest in general.

If you don’t start setting godly boundaries and making time for rest, your body and life will eventually enforce it on you through burnout, anxiety, illness, emotional outbursts, or spiritual dryness.

Setting boundaries is how you protect your capacity to love, live, and serve well for the long haul.

Obedience to God will always bear better fruit than seeking the approval of people.

Don’t be found guilty of neglecting the calling God has given you by committing to responsibilities that are not meant to be yours to carry.

Wanting to set godly boundaries isn’t a sign you’re failing, but it may very well be a sign that God is teaching you how to live, love, and serve in abundance instead of on empty.

Back then, I realised that to protect my marriage, I would have to create a boundary.

What boundary is God asking you to put in place to protect something or someone you love? Perhaps it’s not someone else – it could be you who needs some protection.

Feel free to like and leave a comment. Do you find it hard setting boundaries?

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